The deal went through. One day, there were eight million dollars added to our business bank account. Faith gave us a lecture, “Beware. This is a massive project, but it is underfunded. We need to be careful with every penny. This project will bankrupt us unless we use every fiber in our bodies and minds to overcome hundreds of obstacles. We are going to war. In five years we can see if this is all worth it. I suspect that we will be asked for all kinds of extras, which we would need to support on our tab. Our expenses are going to be 15-25 million dollars. I am going to come up with all sort of side deals to raise additional cash. The 8-10 million we are getting from Jane Foreman's organization is less than half of what we need to avoid bankruptcy.”
Our household had made a list of things to do in the event the deal went through. We were ready. Within two days, we purchased an unused urban campus in Portland. Immediately, the buildings started to be refurbished, food service equipment installed, and staff was hired. Everything was on a fast track.
There was so much to decide and set up. The purpose of this book is to tell the story of my family. Going into in-depth details about the Academy is a bit of an inside story. Some of it needs to be told because there were serious problems when family members clashed on key issues. In the beginning, it was all smiles as we worked out the initial details together. We decided to build the curriculum in units of two weeks. We made a list of the seven tracks that we were supporting and worked out schedules to allow multiple tracks to share classes.
There was a second major project, Blue Flame, which trained staff for the technical network upgrades. This required the training of masses of people for a shorter time frame. Blue Flame was moved to Denver and turned over to Connie and Terry (Faith's college roommates). Since the graduating technicians immediately generated income for the Jane Foreman Enterprise, there was cash flow to fund the training. Faith arranged a profit-sharing deal to help support the Portland Programming Academy. Faith used every deal she could to shift money to our project.
Our job was to receive students coming by train from across the country, and then send them to new jobs in different places, ready to go. We knew that because of the recent history of Portland, there had been little political and technology repression in Portland. Portland was one of the safest places to operate from, but we still had to be careful. One of our goals was to maintain operational security. We had to confront the fact that we were teaching forbidden topics. Everything about web technology: ISP's, networks, browsers, social media, and so much more had been banned for allowing the exchange of forbidden information and ideas. Bobbie had a wicked idea. She suggested icons for each of our seven tracks which were nonsensical or opposite. We would brief incoming students by saying that the entire group would not get a diploma if anyone of them revealed the secret meaning of their group insignia. This was ingenious because it told the students that there were secrets to be kept, but the initial focus was on a silly image. The logo for the network students was a cactus, a snail for e-mail and an angry bear for social media, and so on down the line.
Bobbie and Faith gave presentations to each group of incoming students. Faith said, “We are on a war footing. We are all involved in a massive project which will win many social victories for ordinary people. You will all do well in a new society. In the meantime, we are struggling to educate you, amuse you, feed you, keep you warm, and make your lives comfortable. I do know that you can sleep together and solve three of these problems all by yourself. I am serious about that. A great person once said that a social movement does not thrive unless its foot soldiers are having intimate relationships.”
Bobbie took the stage and added “I need to turn to another issue. One way we are holding down costs here is a complex web of relationships with the poorest people in Portland. They have agreed to work long hours at the school in exchange for food, clothing, some education, and other benefits. The school services will provide the food and clothing, but we ask the students to volunteer their time to educate, enlighten, and assist our volunteers. We are on a limited budget. By organizing this way, plentiful food is distributed to our students and the poor. But we need your help to keep the bargain alive. Who here feels they have the skills to teach basic subjects?” Eventually, all hands were raised.
Next Bobbie addressed operational security. She said, “When anyone asks, here is your script ‘I am learning to be a computer programmer for the financial industry. A bank is paying my way. The bank has requested that I not reveal the details of my employment and my education. You can ask for more information at the Academy of Programming.’ Do I make myself clear? Any phone calls, letters, or e-mails that reveal anything will result in the loss of graduation for yourself and your fellow students. We do have a special office set up so you can discuss specific situations where you wish to break secrecy. Let's say you have a sweetheart who does not believe that you are on a good life path, and might forsake you. Well, we can work out a way to bring him or her into our secret family without you breaking any rules. For the next week, try and learn the hometown of your fellow students. If you do so, you get a gold star, and your victim will get a letter of reprimand. Let the games begin.”
Sam had an unusual role. He spent a quarter of his time traveling around the FUSA to visit facilities that used the graduates of the Programming Academy. He had a way of asking a whole series of questions at each site, such as “Which students are your top performers? Which students are your bottom performers? What do you need to teach everyone that you wished we did?” On and on he went. As Sam got his answers, in his head, he rearranged schedules, problem sets, and skill sets. Within a month, changes were made in Portland exactly matching the needs of our clients. I had no idea that Sam was capable of such complex mental feats.
Unfortunately, Sam could not fix our school single-handed. After operating about ten months, we faced a real crisis. We had major problems recruiting quality teachers/professors. People we thought would be great ended up being disasters. Our standard response was to fire the teacher and then assign a family member to be a temporary professor. We had so many temporary professors in our family that there was no one left to mind the store. We had quick meetings where we just got into arguments on who to hire and who to fire. I was as bad as everyone else. I defended two members of my Nerd Salad friends who were not working out. I could not recognize how dysfunctional everything was getting. We had jumped from one issue to another so quickly that I lost all perspective. I do remember one week which was full of family fights in front of too many Academy senior staff.
Faith called an all family meeting on Saturday night. She laid down the law. She said, “I am going to say two things that are not up for debate. I am leaving the bank, and I am taking total control of the Programming Academy. Why? I need to save the Academy from disaster. When we argue or do not do our jobs, our staff wonders why they took the job. Even if they do not quit, everyone does less than they are supposed to. Eventually, our enterprise lands in the crapper. I want to avoid unproductive arguments, shirking of responsibilities, and fights over the future of our enterprise.” When anyone objected to the loss of income we would have by losing her salary; Faith said, “Let's discuss this later.” When anyone objected to Faith running the business, she said, “Wait until we are done here. You will see that I am in the process of empowering you to run this enterprise effectively. I want to move onto to the heart of my proposal. I want to issue stock in our business. Each adult in this household gets 6%, each child gets 4%. If you are good at math, that adds up to 44%. The other 56% will be vested in a family owned corporation that cannot be further sub-divided without an 80% vote. This way, each of you can look forward to a big payday if we are successful, but the interests of the family are protected if most of you sell your shares. If our wildest dreams come true, and our firm eventually is worth $10 million, each kid walks away with $400,000. I hope I have your attention.”
Faith continued, “Next, I want to set up a decision making process for our company. I want each adult to have six votes and each kid to have four votes. All decisions need to get 59% of the votes. Why 59%? By a mathematical curiosity, this means that if all the adults want something, they need a single kid to reach the threshold. It flips around, if all the kids want something, you need a single adult to get to 59% of the votes. Here comes the fun part. If there is anything you are arguing about, you can pass a new procedure by voting it in. For example, we can set up a hiring/firing committee of three to consist of Chris, Julie, and Bobbie. Notice that my passing a new procedure, you take power out of my hands. If you all agree on enough procedures, I am not a dictator, but a powerless figurehead.” Raymond asked, “Why Chris, Julie, and Bobbie on that committee?” Faith replied, “Almost all of hiring is being an excellent judge of character. Julie and Bobbie are the best we have to judge character. Chris can check credentials, which also plays a role.”
Raymond called for a vote. Unanimously, we agreed to form a family corporation precisely as Faith proposed. The proposal to form a hiring committee using Faith's language passed 34 shares to 10. Everyone's mood improved as we realized we had the power to make rapid improvements in the school and our situation. By offering such a tangible reward for success galvanized us all to work together rather than to have unproductive arguments. We made a list of issues that could use a new procedure that we could discuss next week. Sam asked how we could afford to cover Faith's salary. Faith explained, “If I can cut the expenses of the Academy by $100,000 a year, then I more than make up the cost of my $70,000 salary. I think I can do better than that. Right now we need to solve a dozen problems all at once. Let's get to work.”
One of our constant headaches was obtaining large numbers of standardized computers. We needed hundreds of largely identical computers for our educational program. It was frustrating when we had to keep having to work around differences. We were getting feedback from the Jane Foreman complex that they also needed standardized computers.
Once again, I turned to the Barnes family. Mr. Barnes saw an opportunity. He turned over $100,000 to Samantha to work up (with a series of industry experts) a proposal for a computer hardware business. Once they had the basic specifications, the Barnes family set up a computer company called Carp Computers to start production. The name was based on the fact that they were “bottom feeders,” since they cannibalized old computers to make new computers. Samantha ran the new company with a firm hand. She had a vision that she was building a major company and set out step-by-step to get there. There were some leaks between Bobbie, Mary, and Samantha. Samantha learned that the forbidden HTTP protocol was the future of computers. So quality Wi-Fi was a secret ingredient in each computer. Once Jane's product rollout came, everyone wanted a Carp Computer. The bottom feeder ended up being the apex predator. While I am proud of her success, I am still nostalgic for the early days of Carp Computers. I loved their ads with the tagline, “It's not a Crap Computer, it is a Carp Computer.”
In November 2057, Mary brought Samantha Barnes over for dinner. She asked that all her parents and as many of her siblings as possible be present. Mary looked so excited that I thought she would start glowing. Finally, Mary announced that Samantha had proposed marriage, and she had accepted. Mary showed her engagement ring. She had pretended that she had a bandage on her finger. She took it off to display a very tasteful ring made up of dozens of small diamonds. For me, this was a huge surprise. I had not been tracking my kid's social circles as much as I should have. I just thought of Samantha as a good friend from middle school and high school. My main focus was on the financial relationship between our family and the Barnes family. So you could have knocked me over with a feather. Bobbie just said, “Well, it's about time. I was wondering how long you guys were willing to live in sin.”
We all got up to walk over to Mary and Samantha and offered our personal congratulations. Ruth asked, “So, do you have a date set?” Samantha answered, “My parents prefer May 18th next year. I wish it were next week.” Faith asked, “Do you have any idea of what kind of wedding you would like to have?” Samantha replied, “My mother is Jewish. She would prefer a Jewish wedding. Mary needs to study pretty hard if she is going to satisfy the rabbi with her conversion.” That stopped the conversation for a moment. Once everyone reflected that Mary was entitled to her own personal decisions, we carried on without skipping a beat.
Ruth said, “Traditionally the bride's family pays for the wedding. Here I am a bit confused. You are both each other's bride are you not? So do we split the cost?” Samantha replied, “No. My parents insist on paying for everything. I am an only child. They seem to want to make a big deal about this. They want our wedding to be the big social event of the season. This would be way too expensive. Frankly, my parents have oceans of money, and they are so grateful to your whole family for the rescue from both the kidnapper and from the police chief. This is on their dime.”
I said, “I am not so sure that I like these fancy affairs where a fortune is spent to impress lots of rich people. Why not skip the big party and just feed poor people?” Mary laughed, “I knew you would say that. I think the plan is to feed as many poor people as possible while also having a nice party that is a bit scaled back. I think you may appreciate all that we have planned.”
I will skip over all the planning details. The wedding itself was unforgettable. I think I would have enjoyed the actual ceremony a bit better if I were Jewish. Other people were laughing and crying at different things that I did not understand. Oh well, that's what I get for not being very religious. Samantha wore a beautiful white dress. Mary had a highly modified lavender outfit that was pantsuit at the bottom, and wedding dress at the top. The wedding party consisted of the brides, three bridesmaids in pink outfits, and Bobbie was in a purple tux.
As is traditional for a wedding, almost all the guests were seated at their dinner tables before the wedding party made its way to the grand ballroom. Once the wedding party was in the center of the open area, someone ran out to give a microphone to the brides. An emcee started the following dialogue:
Emcee: Do I understand that you six women were together nine years ago in a very unusual house?
Mary: Years ago, we were captured and held in a homemade dungeon by a homicidal maniac. My “Best sister” Bobbie and I were handcuffed to a chain inside a locked cell. Samantha was in her own cell, and our dear bridesmaids were sharing the third cell.
Emcee: So how were you captured?
Bobbie: We were walking together on the streets of Portland. A man identified himself as a policeman. He said we were under arrest. He had us in handcuffs and pushed into his van before we knew what was happening.
Samantha: Something very similar happened to me.
Jane (Bridesmaid): We were each picked up in a police raid. When no one could trace our ownership, the chief of police turned us over to his brother who was supposed to sell us. The two brothers were trying to steal city property for their private gain. (At this point, the three bridesmaids sat down at a table that already had Patricia, dressed like a bridesmaid, who did not take part in the formal wedding party since she was not part of the original rescue.)
Emcee: So how did you escape?
Mary: Bobbie had a handcuff key in her pocket. She had some weapons hidden in the frame of her backpack. When the time was right, we killed him. Then we opened up the other cells and freed everyone.
Samantha: That night, I slept in Mary and Bobbie's bedroom. Mary could tell how frightened I was since I was shaking and shivering. She brought me into her bed and made me feel safe for the first time in months. That feeling has never gone away.
Emcee: Let's have a round of applause as we remember the terror and the bravery which brought all six of these fine women to freedom.
Bridesmaids: (all four pointed to their slave collars)
Emcee: Well at least your life situations all got a whole lot better! (The bridesmaids all nodded, smiled, and waved.) Is there anything else you wanted to say?
Sophia (Bridesmaid): We had been granted our freedom last week. We have been too busy with the wedding to get these collars sawed off yet. I want everyone to know that because of the careful planning of Mary's family, the four of us have substantial savings and a bright future. We are eager to begin our lives as free women.
Emcee: (turning back to Mary) It was not enough for you to affect this rescue. You also realized that everyone was in great danger afterward, didn't you?
Mary: I guessed that the chief of police and his evil brother were fighting over their stealings. I knew that the chief of police would lash out violently once he realized that his brother was dead. I made sure that everyone was in hiding and safe. A week after the rescue, someone called the police to tell them that Samantha was safely at her home.
Emcee: (dramatically pointed to a large projection screen) Let's watch what happened in the Barnes house two hours after that phone call. (The audience gasped as the 57 seconds of video showing the four top police officers of Portland bursting into the house and shooting up the mannequins dressed as the Barnes family.) Please understand that the house was empty except for three mannequins and twenty cameras. Bobbie and Mary, Mr. and Mrs. Barnes would like to salute you for saving their lives and the life of Samantha a second time in a week. How old were you at the time?
Bobbie: Ed, that happened when we were in the seventh grade. We were twelve and thirteen.
Emcee: How did you know you could escape?
Mary: We were fighting for our lives. Bobbie told me some things to me which brought out my last ounce of fighting energy.
Emcee: What did you say to Mary?
Bobbie: I said, “If there is a split second when you am not stabbing, twisting, or slashing, then he wins. I told her to attack like an Olympic sprinter, and then keep fighting like you are in a marathon.”
Samantha: Oh my God. I had not known this detail. Thank you, Bobbie, for giving your strength to my beloved.
Emcee: So which one of you proposed to the other?
Samantha: I proposed to Mary. I figured that she was not exotic enough being a half-black and half-Chinese combination streetfighter and law clerk. I wanted her to be a half-black half-Chinese lesbian Jewish streetfighter and law clerk. I am not sure if that is a statement of personal identity or a job description.
Mary: If it is a job description, I do not think I have to worry about someone taking my position.
Emcee: When I look at you two, I would think that Mary is more of the proposing type.
Samantha: I am not sure what you are trying to say, Mr. Thompson, but I was afraid that Mary might forget how much I love her.
Mary: Oh no, I would never forget anything about you.
Emcee: You can call me Ed. Is it OK if we show the engagement ring on the big screen? Can you describe it?
Samantha: I knew that Mary's family used to run a jewelry store that specialized in big diamond rings. So I wanted a ring that was very special. It is made up of a field of tiny diamond chips; some are bigger than others. In the center, there is a handcuff key made up of ruby chips. It represents the many ways Mary has liberated me from bondage. You know there were a few years when I could only do horseback riding. I avoided dealing with people. I started to hang around with Mary's family, and I started to see the positive parts of being human. Seeing nine people work together with humor, love, and deliberate positive energy has lifted my emotional horizons. So that is the third way in which Mary and her family have saved my life.
Emcee: It was Bobbie that had the handcuff key. Why not a ring for her too?
Samantha: Good question, Ed. Bobbie, this ring is for you. (Samantha picked up a jewelry box from the table.) It is not as fancy as an engagement ring. I do not want to upset your boyfriend. It uses garnets instead of rubies for the tiny key, but it is on a field of diamonds. Come over her, my dear sister, and put on this ring. Can we show this ring on the big screen?
Bobbie: Oh my God! (At this point Bobbie almost fell over as she tried to stand up. Tears rolled down her cheeks.) I don't know what to say. No one has ever given me anything so lovely. I had no idea. Oh my, it fits perfectly. I think I had better sit down again before I start to fall over again. (She also said, “You have the very best wife.” in Mandarin, to which Mary answered, “Yes, I know that.”)
Emcee: Samantha, we need to lighten the mood here. Can you stand up and introduce your parents? (Samantha got up slowly and gestured for her parents to stand up too.)
Samantha: This is my mother, Rachel Swartz Barnes, and this is my father, David Hughes Barnes. They are very clever about forming, re-arranging, and selling large businesses. Recently, they set up a new business to build the kinds of computers industry needs right now. They have installed me as CEO. And I know what you are about to say. You are going to accuse me of being a spoiled brat with a mountain of money at my feet due to my being born to wealthy parents. Yes, guilty as charged, I am. If I do my job right, thousands of people in this area will have jobs, and tens of thousands of people around this great landmass that used to be a united country will have businesses because of the empowering effects of uniform computers. Further, it is hope is that my efforts lead to better communications and understanding to allow us to re-form as a united country. My wish is to eventually fund a Second Constitutional Convention to help form the new United States of America. (At that point, the assembled people in the ballroom got up from their chairs and gave Samantha a thunderous standing ovation.)
Emcee: Mary, I would like you to introduce your family. Before I do, let me ask you, how do you introduce your family?
Mary: Ed, I don't. It is much too complicated.
Emcee: I will do my best. Mary, your family was started by Chris Ritter and Faith Winters. After Chris' parents were murdered, they “bought the lifetime labor rights” of two enslaved persons, Ruth and Quincy Lo. The four parents purchased a large house where you all live. The four of you have five children: Sam Ritter, son of Faith and Chris; Raymond and Julie, twins of Ruth and Quincy, Mary child of Faith and Quincy, and Bobbie, child of Ruth and Chris. None of this sounds very kosher. Were the adults all sleeping together in one big bed?
Mary: I don't think so. My parents aren't freaks. They sleep two to a room like normal people. I do have some sweet memories. When I was small, I would wander into bedrooms when I woke up, as kids do. No one ever told me that I might see something that I was not supposed to see. The result is that I have no memories of who slept with whom. We just all lived together, cooked together, went to school together, and took trips together. I think the original concept was that they could all work practically full-time. By sharing childcare, they would be able to get ahead of families that had to make do with only two parents. My sense is they aimed for more money and ended up with more happiness, the money they got from other things. (Turning to Faith and Ruth) Do you have any advice for me?
Faith: Under no circumstances should you both be pregnant at the same time.
Emcee: In your family, how do they refer to you and Bobbie?
Bobbie: We are known as the crossover girls since we both cross between the two married couples. But we like to call each other twins.
Emcee: Twins? Even though there is another set of actual biological twins in your family?
Bobbie: Correct.
Emcee: Even though you do not share any DNA?
Bobbie: DNA is highly over-rated.
Emcee: Even though you were born months apart?
Bobbie: I do not know what you are trying to say.
Emcee: Even though you do not look like each other? You are three-quarters Chinese and a quarter Caucasian. Mary is half-black and half-Chinese. How can you be twins?
Mary: Let me tell you a story. In sixth grade, our teacher refused to allow us to identify as sisters. Even worse, he screamed at us for no reason and marked most of our homework with a zero. When one of my mothers found out, she was pissed. We ended up leaving the school with a full refund and being homeschooled for the year. So Ed, how do you like your job of being an emcee?
Emcee: I love doing weddings when the bride has a twin sister. Let's give them both a hand. (Long pause for applause) And I would like to add that Bobbie saved my life many years ago. Let's watch this video. I should point out that I was a drug addict at the time, and not in a good mental place. I am certain that I would have died in the next two months of an overdose if you had not intervened. (The video was highly edited. It showed Ed Thompson trying to break the display case of the jewelry store. He was interrupted by Bobbie, who threw a knife into his shoulder. Bobbie stitched up the wound and sent Ed on his way.)
Bobbie: How did you get this video?
Emcee: Your father or one of your fathers was kind enough to share this. You guys sent nurses to my house, and then gave me jobs when I was recovered. Right now I am the manager of buildings and grounds at your family's Programming Academy. The wound healed very well. I have full use of my arm. Do you know why that is?
Bobbie: I aimed the knife to avoid nerves and blood vessels. I did not want to deprive you of the use of your arm.
Emcee: Well Bobbie, your aim is excellent. Right now, I would like to recognize that about a hundred guests here are victims of Gerald Sears and his corrupt gang. Let's have all of the people who lost their business or loved ones to these gangsters stand up. (A large percentage of the people at the tables stood up, including all members of Chris and Faith's family). Mary, why are you standing up?
Mary: This gangster organization murdered my grandparents. They also tried to steal the Programming Academy. We took them down by monumental planning and execution. All the details will have to wait for a more appropriate forum. Their attempt to invade our house was their last stand. We planned hard; we turned the tables on them and saw each gang member find an appropriate fate. We worked hard to locate assets to return to the victims. I appreciate the efforts of my mother Faith to locate evidence and take down all of the corrupt judges who were involved in this massive scandal. Due to her efforts, new judges have replaced the criminal judges. I do believe that we also have all of the seven new judges here and their families. I do believe we should give them credit for restoring the rule of law in Portland Oregon.
Emcee: You and Bobbie interviewed over 200 people who have lost business to those gangsters?
Mary: Yes. Bobbie and I did a lot of pro-bono legal clerking in those days. We did these extensive interviews. Only 83 were willing to go on the record. We prepared affidavits for the court. These led to the execution of Gerald Sears for theft, extortion, money laundering, and many other crimes. It took us months to type up all the legal documents. It was our most extensive legal project.
Emcee: So now people can form small businesses in Portland without fearing that parasite gangsters will steal their business?
Mary: Correct.
Emcee: Let's wind this all up. Bobbie and Mary, you have a deep secret you want to reveal?
Mary and Bobbie: Yes, please show the video.
Emcee: As I understand it, your mother Faith heard there was a report that slaves were being taken to a particular address. You were asked to investigate but found the building well-guarded. You figured out that you could go up the stairs in the adjacent building, and then get to the roof of the suspicious address. You found a skylight and were able to open it up a few inches. So you built a foldable lighting fixture and lowered in down there, correct? (The video started. As the building came into view, there were gasps as many people recognized the building. The video showed the hidden camera and the folding lighting fixture. There was a diagram showing the use of a periscope, a laser rangefinder, and trigonometry to figure out how to lower the fixture. Then the video showed the title page of the documentary, Harvest of the Enslaved. So you two were the mystery camera people!
Mary: It was a homeschool project. We got an “A.” As you know, Faith edited the video, and Chris was the mystery narrator.
Emcee: Why did you keep it a secret?
Mary: We were little kids. It was just too big a story. This affair involved wholesale murder. Thirty people went to prison. The news people kept searching for the mystery camera person or persons. No one could imagine that it was twin sisters doing a school assignment. Our parents helped us understand that it was best to keep our mouths zipped up on this story.
Emcee: Until now, that is. Can we have a hand for these twins who single-handedly shut down an execution chamber for enslaved persons? (There was a lengthy standing ovation)
Emcee: Samantha, how does it feel to be so overshadowed by your lovely bride?
Samantha: Oh it is just fine. Sometimes I feel self-conscious or feel that people are judging me. I love the attention that Mary gets for her colorful life. Today is very overwhelming. I am sorry for crying right now. Yesterday, I had no spouse. Today I have one who loves me beyond all telling. Yesterday, I had two parents and no siblings. Now I have six parents and four siblings. I love them all, and I know how much they love me. I am just sorry that I have so thoroughly blown Mary and Bobbie's cover as being Portland's twin action heroes. I know that Portland respects my parents and all of their accomplishments. I feel that Portland needs to take a moment to respect Mary's family and all that they have accomplished. I know our marriage will help our families work together and accomplish amazing things.
Emcee: Let's strike up the music and start the dancing just before our dinner. Can our wedding couple come to the center of the dancing floor? (Samantha and Mary were lovely on the dance floor. They giggled, laughed and kissed their way through a romantic number). Now we have a challenge for Mary's parents. We will all judge which pair of dancers is the sexiest. When you hear this whistle, they have to switch partners. Are we ready? (I danced with Faith, Ruth, and Quincy. When the dance was over, the emcee called out each of the six pairs of dancers. Faith and Ruth won. They must have been tipped off. They both pulled down their tops each revealing a thin, almost transparent bandage covering their breasts. I was busy dancing with Quincy, so I do not know all the tricks they played. When our wives' names were announced, the applause shook the room. I still think they cheated. I did notice how hysterical it was when Faith and Ruth each asked their husband to pull their clothes together and look all normal again. I also remember enjoying kissing and holding each of my three partners and realizing that for once, I had nothing to hide. It was quite liberating.)
Emcee: Now for the final challenge before the meal. Samantha will show us all how she disarms her bride just before going to bed tonight. We need a drumroll. (Samantha patted down Mary very thoroughly, especially in private places. Samantha shook her head. Bobbie got up, and reached under Mary's ribcage and pulled out two knives. Samantha looked totally shocked and wide-eyed.)
Bobbie: You need to remember the fake ribcage and rubber skin trick. We tried years ago to hide a pair of knives while wearing a bathing suit. It never worked because it made your tummy look like a dead chicken. But it works great under a wedding gown. (While Bobbie was speaking, Samantha took one of the knives and examined it closely. She winced as she realized how sharp it was.)
Emcee: Speaking of dead chickens, you will all be served momentarily.
I do remember that the food and drink were of exceptional quality, but was served in modest proportion. A glutton would have been disappointed by the whole affair. I was delighted since I always thought excessive displays of food were an insult to the many people who were genuinely needy in our troubled times. There were hours of dancing. I remember dancing with quite a few wealthy people. They were beaming with pride at being able to dance with me. My favorite moment was dancing with Samantha's father.
The event that got the most significant reaction from the guests happened during the dinner. A video started up called Mary has a New Partner. The video showed Bobbie and Mary doing things in the seventh through ninth grade such as singing in the back seat of a car, throwing knives, target shooting, dancing with menacing bamboo poles, fighting with rubber knives, and general roughhousing. In each case, the old video of the activity was shown, and then the video was recreated by Mary and Bobbie (a few weeks ago) wearing similar clothes and surroundings from the older video. In each case, Samantha came over and tapped Bobbie on the shoulder; Bobbie smiled, shook hands, and moved away so that Samantha would engage in the same activity with Mary. Some of these were very clever. Bobbie left, and Samantha joined the singing in the car episode from a hidden hole in the bottom of the car. Even when the actors came to take their bows, it started with Bobbie and Mary and ended up with Samantha and Mary. The laughing, hooting, and cheering was intense, especially at the brief nude scene in the bathtub.
I kept thinking of the amazing alliance represented by the wedding couple. These were not idle words. Our families could do great things together. I think I could summarize all the dialogue in four sentences. Bobbie and Mary are willing to do so much for the city of Portland. All they ask in return is to be treated as sisters. Samantha is coming out of the shadows to reveal that she is a formidable entity on her own. Samantha and Mary love each other very much and paradoxically, look to my family as a model.
Within six months of the big wedding, both of the twins (Julie and Sam) got married. Julie married Ann Ng, and Julie married Doug Fisher. Both of these weddings were small, intimate, family affairs. Raymond and Bobbie had long-term relationships but chose not to get married. All five of my kids had children that they raised with their partner. I will discuss our enlarged family in a later chapter. Years later, when we spoke of the big wedding, everyone understood that meant the Mary and Samantha nuptial. The tight relationship with the Barnes family was essential to keeping our Programming Academy alive, which in turn allowed the Former United States of America to become America once again. I know everyone credits Jane Foreman for everything that has happened in the last few years. But in my book, Mary and Samantha are founding mothers for our new nation.
After the wedding, there were still three more years before Jane rolled out her set of products. Our family was running on fumes. Faith used all our savings, all of our revenue from our businesses, all the kickbacks, all of the lease buybacks she could to keep the school afloat.
Twice a year, I made the trip to St. Louis to meet with Jane Foreman and her inner circle. At one meeting, I used a quiet moment to show the video of the pre-dinner dialogue of Mary's wedding. She called over Cathy and Debbie (the black and white lesbian couple who later shared a US Senate seat) over and the three watched it closely from beginning to end. When it was over, they asked lots of questions about the events that were described. Jane said, “I met Bobbie and Mary when they traveled out and wanted to know if this project was real or not. I was very impressed with them. Bobbie kept complaining about the hassles of being a slave outside of Oregon. I told her ‘Welcome to my world.’ I just had no idea of what they had endured as they were growing up.”
Jane told me a few of her high school and stock market adventures. Her tale of facing death at the hands of the Supreme Council in Sunnyvale was surprising since I had no idea of how our political structure worked. Years later, when Deb wrote that book about Jane Foreman, I devoured every word to learn more about every aspect of her life. I treasure my memories of meeting her in person and being able to share our family stories. No one who was not there has any idea of how hard it was to get to the finish line. Jane's group originally asked us to train 2,000 students for ten million dollars. We ended up training over 6,000 students without asking for more money. I have to thank Faith for her ability to juggle funds for that miracle.
A few months before the launch date, we quietly had an IPO for our family business. We set a modest valuation for our company and offered about 10% of it for sale. We let all the slaves (and ex-slaves) who were trained by our family's business learn what a lucrative investment the IPO was. Only when our community of slaves had their fill of this investment did we let people working for our academy, Samantha, her parents, and their associates purchase the rest of the available stock. We wanted to make sure that those who owned the stock knew the story. We wanted the stock in strong hands, who would not sell until the price got to be very high.
On launch day, we had a huge fireworks show at the Programming Academy. We openly celebrated the event and our role in the story. No one doubted that our academy was a key institution that made the new computer networks possible. Suddenly, we were famous across the country.